I fucking hate that word and I’m sick of hearing it.
I hate the fact that the terms fag and gay have now replaced the words effeminate and flamboyant in popular vernacular. It’s like people love the words so much they want to find more excuses to use them.
We call any man who possesses any feminine qualities gay regardless of their sexual orientation.
It goes beyond homophobia because gay people throw the word fag around more than straight people do.
But last I checked, being gay means that you are same sex oriented – and that’s it. There are as many different types of gay men as there are straight men. Our attraction to men does not make us anything but likely to sleep with one – or marry one, depending on what state they live in.
It wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t see it in the way people treat me.
I don’t consider myself either very masculine or very feminine, but a perfect mix of both. As soon as people find out that I’m gay, though, they expect me to know all about women’s shoes and beauty products, like I’m a minor character from Sex and the City.
Then they wanna invite me to ‘drinks with the girls’ and other estrogen-charged events. It’s so fucking annoying. Either don’t call it a girl’s night or don’t invite me. Because last I checked, I have a penis.
The fact that I’m in touch with my femininity doesn’t mean that I identify with females. Nor does it make me Jack McFarland.
This baggage that comes with labels like fag and gay is the real problem because it creates the stigma and the stigma is what forces straight men to distance themselves from gay people.
Think about it. Most straight guys hold on to their masculinity when they’re single. They don’t even wanna be considered metro because then girls might think they’re gay and if girls think they’re gay, they get no pussy. It has little to do with their views on same sex couples and everything to do with their virility because at the end of the day, it’s all about pussy.
Now, as soon as they’ve conquered the woman attached to the pussy, they bust out with their pink polo shirts, start man-scaping and begin moisturizing because it’s no longer seen as gay. Suddenly it’s okay to be a little gay because it keeps his girlfriend happy.
Which begs the question – why label this behavior gay in the first place? Why can’t straight guys be into fashion or grooming without people questioning their manhood?
The short answer is that it’s not normal.
Our social norm is that only gay guys decorate houses, style hair, dress trendily, appreciate the arts and keep up their appearances.
It’s as acceptable for a straight guy to become an interior decorator as it is for a gay guy to play for the NFL.
It makes no sense.
And we’re all guilty of putting people into these boxes. After all, it’s so much easier than trying to understand them.
I accept my share of the blame for perpetuating these stereotypes and keeping these words in our collective vocabulary because I never express what the word fag makes me feel.
Hearing the word fag brings me back to the years I spent in the closet. When someone would call me a fag, it would sting. It made me feel ashamed of myself and embarrassed for my family. When they used to call me that in high school, paranoia and depression would set in for days. It reminded me that my days in the closet were inevitably numbered and that I would eventually have to face that demon.
And the fact that I’m out of the closet now doesn’t change the way I feel.
My hatred for the word is more than ideological. It’s Pavlovian.
Hearing that word brings me back to those dark days and I hate to go there. It makes me feel inferior again and makes me resent
those who use the word as an insult. And I have no room for hate or resentment in my heart anymore.
So, I’m writing this, if for nothing else, so that maybe someone would think twice before calling someone a fag. Even if only one person omits the word form their vocabulary, I stand to be that much happier and grateful for that happiness. So, I’m gonna set my pride aside and ask everyone who reads these words to think before they speak.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
CHILD … Let me tell you that whom ever uses that malicious word has absolutely NO CLASS ! It’s all fun and games to try to keep up with society and all their bullshit but really, don’t ask later why people are committing suicide. We all can go back to that one day when someone, or something as I like to call it, said something about us – How hot did you feel?
Like Mr. Fierce bloger himself, that word just crawls under my skin. I want to meet the jerk-off machista who thought that it was an acceptable male trait not taking care of your skin or man-scape? In my book, gay or straight, if you don’t take care of yourself you are just nasty. Your body is your temple, so why not take care of it.
But most importantly, who made up all these so called “rules” of society?
Why not let the person be the way they chose to? Why have to label them just because you are an ignorant s-o-b? Just let everyone live their life, because its theirs to live, not yours. Which brings me to a totally new topic, WHEN THE FUCK was it ok to be up in everyone else’s business? UGH fuckers- take a good look at yourself in the mirror before talking smack about someone else.
On that note….
“Be the change you want to see in the world.”
–Mahatma Gandhi
Loving AboutExpression.com,
J